Making the boundaries clear and your heart happy.
This is expansive…covers macro in the largest sense, as well as micro including the teeniest cells inside your being. At a macro level, there’s the cosmos…how galaxies move and shift, planets align, stars align…what they move and align with can affect the very life of the planet. As far as earth goes, countries align, even as they form all sorts of boundaries…what leader the country aligns with changes the vibration. Preachers, teachers, parents, families, friends…all a part of the feedback you get about your actions, non actions, etc. What if their feedback is unhealthy, but you don’t know that?
We all know that one’s physical image is theirs, and no one has a right to comment on that image, especially as a means to wound. However, families will state “but I love you and I’m your mom/dad/grandma/aunt etc so I have to tell you to help and you know I’m saying this out of love. I would never hurt you” or some semblance of that as a means of bullying. There is no other reason. They have the issue…not you. They need to figure out why they need to control someone else’s DNA so much.
Unhealthy feedback can look like ‘they mean well’ feedback, but it is still toxic and can further wound you.
Did you know that you need boundaries within yourself as well? This is one of the biggest reasons I work hard to curate the feedback in my life of healthy, loving, honest, compassionate people. My inside voices have been trained to be very harsh to myself. I was never good enough, smart enough, capable, you get it. Every disappointment in my life was obviously my glaring fault. I couldn’t get my shit together because I believed that I was messed up. Those voice still scream in tiny moments of disappointment with myself. I lost my expensive sun glass case and freaked out. Meltdown. (Autism and trauma will do that) Not only did those words from family and friends leave wounds…they left recordings to play at any time. The voices that chant old words from the bullies would begin and would not stop until I was near suicidal. Convinced I was utterly worthless and incapable of keeping a sun glass case. I deserved nothing.
This helped me to see just now from another angle. Once a person/child has been told/treated like this for a while, they often begin to believe it to the point that they won’t allow, or attract, healthy people into their lives. It’s like a shadow over the light of their heart. Or soul.
Triggers are nasty business. Some people get defensive and fight, some turn in and harm themselves more, others shut down completely, or they do whatever is asked to make the pain stop. Those words, they dampen the soul of a person until it squelches all of the light from them. At least to themselves. That’s the most important part.
Now that there is a cloud over this child’s personality and brightness…their very heart and soul…people will treat them differently. They won’t know how to respond in healthy ways, their very way of being created by the bullies, but it’s the victim that is seen and treated badly. This includes the kids that are eager to do what is told by authority. They will be taken advantage of and further abused. A shadow now over their lives because people will talk, will judge, will predetermine…and that child will now have these lies about them reinforced no matter how hard they try in the best way they know. No matter how hard they try to create boundaries, they are made to feel wrong, selfish, mean, entitled, etc.
They are now convinced these words are true and they plant them in the fertile soil of their beings. Amazing seeds reproduce and grow. Every new word spoken about this person is catalogued in their recordings to defeat them more. More and more they are bashed outside and inside. Nothing is left, or near nothing. I had a spark remaining.
Thankfully, by my 30s, I believed I was good enough to not be beaten, demeaned, or threatened with sexual assaults. My friends were still mild bullies. But they were also kind and helpful. I finally had a friend that honestly told me that my dad’s family were verbally, & emotionally abusing me. She asked how long they’ve treated me like scum…all of my life. She was dumbfounded listening to all of them talk shit to me at Christmas dinner. Always the butt of every joke. I was so surprised that someone saw it…I was always told I was sensitive, dramatic…you know the drill and selfish when I didn’t do what they wanted.
I don’t know how I held on to that spark.
I met David Dunn in 2012. He immediately adored me and informed me that I was a magical angel of love. I thought he was too young to know how bad I actually was, that I would destroy his sweet nature, and eventually he would move on because he didn’t really love me.
Ha
He loves me. Heart and soul. He has sworn his life to helping me feel the full joyful breadth of all that is Love. He tells me, still, that I am good, magic, beautiful, and that I taught him how to have fun…and Love. He built Trust Love’s Harmony based on my heart and how I love! He says I alchemised all of that shit and turned it into sacred Love. Gold. Pure.
You know what? I believe him now. I don’t fight with the voices as much. Those are pretty extinguished. A couple pop up from time to time, and I get the choice of telling myself the TRUTH or going dark. Writing this is easy because I know it’s true now. Yes, I still ask questions of myself to check in and make sure I am on the right path of healthiness and Love. Above all: Love. But my questions are not as accusatory anymore. I can silence them if they are, or at least quieten them. Awareness of my actions and in-actions in honesty is necessary. Every human should practice this.
Being able to do that helps me to have healthy friendships and not get triggered unnecessarily. I’m also able to stand up for myself calmly when someone does cross my boundaries. I feel better inside, have better voices around me and therefore I have curated a healthy feedback that now feeds the inside recordings with Love and truth in compassion. My health has changed for the better, my life feels way more regulated and happy, calm, and full of so much love and magic! I highly recommend doing this work, if you do nothing else, curate your feedback with healthy people…and look out out! Your views on so many things will change as you heal and let go of the prison keys that held you trapped and made you judgmental jailer of yourself and then others. Shackle Free baby! 😊
Skye Burns Dunn (c)4/3/23
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